{"id":2155,"date":"2010-12-21T12:00:47","date_gmt":"2010-12-21T12:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/badreputation.org.uk\/?p=2155"},"modified":"2010-12-21T12:00:47","modified_gmt":"2010-12-21T12:00:47","slug":"feminist-family-christmas-part-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/badreputation.org.uk\/2010\/12\/21\/feminist-family-christmas-part-one\/","title":{"rendered":"Feminist Family Christmas: Part One"},"content":{"rendered":"

A few snapshots of different sorts of feminists, their families and the festive season. I’m fortunate to have lots of lovely people in my circle, many of whom identify as feminists, and I was interested in what their Christmases looked like. <\/em><\/p>\n

So, are you sitting comfortably? Then let’s begin.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

TELL ME A BIT ABOUT YOURSELF.<\/strong><\/p>\n

My name is Phopey and I am a 37-year-old black lesbian CP’d (Civil Partnership) mother. I have a keen interest in politics: I wanted to be an MP but am re-evaluating that, I think I can be more of an agitator on local level! My pet subject at the moment is healthcare but it used to be education. I participate in healthcare consultancy in three boroughs – any I can get into, I go. I\u2019m learning. I want to understand the policies on a local level, rather than having a whip telling me what to do.<\/p>\n

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS AT CHRISTMAS?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve got church on Christmas Eve, I work with a youth group at my church. We\u2019re doing a modern nativity where carols will be rapped *laughter*. After service we will drive to my partner\u2019s family and we spend Christmas with them.<\/p>\n

WHAT HAVE YOU BOUGHT?<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a tough time. Everything you see is sickly and exaggerated. And so expensive! The essence of what Christmas is about, love and giving, is lost. I made my daughter make Christmas cards this year for friends and family.<\/p>\n

When I thought about books, she had to have books \u2013 I don\u2019t understand those children who just have toys. My daughter has her own books on a shelf in the lounge, at her eye level. So if I want a book for her, I have to bend down. It\u2019s about language and communicating at her level, not mine. Right now, the important things are about her adjusting to what her world is like, but to be a successful person.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve got a book about two gay swans who fall in love, I\u2019ve got another that\u2019s about a girl who is mixed race and brought up by her grandmother so she can understand different family make-ups. I have got one princess book but it\u2019s about a pig that\u2019s doing ballet.<\/em> My absolute favourite is about God, but God is a woman it’s called Big Mamas love.<\/em><\/p>\n

HOW DO YOU BUY TOYS?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I start from an educational basis. When I needed her to understand colour, I bought a psychedelic toy. I like toys to be natural and sustainable, I hate plastic toys. If possible someone has given them to us, I like them to have that spirit of love. That\u2019s important to me. Every toy I get is about stretching her skills: it\u2019s not about something that she can do already.<\/p>\n

I have got her a dolls house, but I haven\u2019t got traditional figures in it. My partner’s father made it and we chose the colours for the rooms together. She has a Sindy doll that lives in there, called Princess. Her Russian princess doll lives in there as well. The figures that live in there are non-traditional. She doesn\u2019t own mum and dad dolls.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t do Lego \u2013 I don\u2019t understand why children build something to destroy it \u2013 if someone has any thoughts on that let me know! *laughs* I don\u2019t do baby dolls and prams. That is the oldest game in the world \u2013 the oldest toy in the world is a baby doll. The first game a child plays is to roleplay their mother. Says a lot about our responsibility, if the mother gets it wrong, that\u2019s diabolical.<\/p>\n

DO YOU FEEL A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes, my daughter is my partner’s egg. My partner is blonde with blue eyes. The donor is American Indian and Black American mix, born from me \u2013 a Black African woman. Whoa, have I got responsibility! *laughs* I chose that. Because I\u2019m me<\/em>, because I had the choice, and the dilemma was I wanted my wife\u2019s child. I\u2019d have to get donor sperm anyway. I watched a programme about surrogates and thought we could do that without giving the child back. We went to Harley Street and a very expensive time later she was born. I\u2019ve got to make sure that everything around her is ordinary but unique.<\/p>\n

WHAT PRESSURES HAVE YOU FELT?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I felt the pressure to normalise. I gave in to society’s pressure that she\u2019s meant to eat all these sweet disgusting things. For the first two years she only ate things I made. I\u2019ve also had people pressure me to not<\/em> tell her how she was made: that she was such a mix. Because of British law, my partner had to formally adopt her, I have the rights over her, because I gave birth. Which is obviously an emotional trauma for my wife. Any legal moment I have to hand over my rights as a mother. But that\u2019s changing, trust me!<\/p>\n

WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON TOYS FOR GIRLS?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Everything is pretty and plastic! In our society we\u2019re all about facade, so toys are about that. Even baby dolls have designer Gap prams! None of the toys really build on that. It\u2019s why I\u2019m bringing her up Christian, I want her to have a sense of spirit and thinking about herself and consequences. The impact her actions have on people. I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any other way I can do that.<\/p>\n