{"id":11438,"date":"2012-08-23T07:40:45","date_gmt":"2012-08-23T06:40:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.badreputation.org.uk\/?p=11438"},"modified":"2012-08-23T07:45:36","modified_gmt":"2012-08-23T06:45:36","slug":"guest-post-mommy-wars-and-parenthood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/badreputation.org.uk\/2012\/08\/23\/guest-post-mommy-wars-and-parenthood\/","title":{"rendered":"[Guest Post] “Mommy Wars” and Parenthood"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here’s a guest post from Stephanie<\/strong><\/a>, who has previously blogged for BadRep on feminist crafting<\/a>. If you have a guest post brewing in your brain, you know what to do: pitch us at badrepeditors@gmail.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

I found out that I was expecting a baby back in February, and since then my life has changed quite dramatically. Apart from feeling very slightly psychic (and a little bit smug) when I called early on that it was going to be a boy, I’ve become aware of lots of stories and ideas in the media that I had never really taken any notice of before.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Take, for example, the increasing need of some of the media to fan the flames of the so-called \u2018Mommy Wars\u2019, in which parents are pitched against each other in a tone that is almost \u2018fight-to-the death\u2019 in its urgency. It demands that mothers (only ever mothers- fathers are never a presence in these debates, or very rarely) pick sides: are you pro-breastfeeding or anti-breastfeeding? If you plan to breastfeed, how long for? Not long enough and you\u2019re a failure. Too long? You\u2019re a bit of a sicko, aren\u2019t you? But no one ever really mentions those women who would dearly love to breastfeed, but can\u2019t. At the end of the day, surely it\u2019s better to have a baby who is fed and happy (perhaps on formula), than a mother and baby who are upset, wretched and hungry?<\/p>\n

This problem was perfectly encapsulated by the issue of Time<\/strong> magazine that came out in May – a beautiful woman was pictured breastfeeding her toddler son with the headline \u201cAre You Mom Enough?\u201d Cue clutching of pearls and vicious fighting in the comments of websites that wrote about the feature. Actually, the \u2018Mom\u2019 in question, Jamie Lynne Grumet<\/a>, is pretty sensible. She was quoted as saying \u201cThere seems to be a war going on between conventional parenting and attachment parenting, and that\u2019s
\nwhat I want to avoid. I want everyone to be encouraging. We\u2019re not on opposing teams. We all need to be encouraging to each other, and I don\u2019t think we\u2019re doing a very good job at that.\u201d She acknowledges that attachment parenting, which she practices, is not for everyone. <\/p>\n

As a feminist, these kind of arguments deflate me. It seems that some of us, in the clamour to declare our way of parenting is (or is going to be) the right one, decide that anything else is just not feminism. Cherie Booth caused an outcry when she denounced \u2018yummy mummies\u2019 who stayed at home instead of working. Again, outcry ensued across the blogosphere. But I say simply: feminism is about choice. It\u2019s because of the work that our mothers and grandmothers put in that we can choose to go to work or stay at home, if we wish, although very often that choice is replaced by financial necessity.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know what kind of a parent I\u2019ll be. I\u2019m not making any hard and fast rules about what I\u2019ll do when the baby arrives. I know, though, that I will try hard not to judge other parents\u2019 decisions. Quite simply put, it\u2019s none of my business. The majority of parents will choose to raise their children in the best way they know, and as long as the child isn\u2019t being hurt or neglected, who am I to question the way someone is bringing up their baby?<\/p>\n