{"id":11214,"date":"2012-07-02T09:00:59","date_gmt":"2012-07-02T08:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.badreputation.org.uk\/?p=11214"},"modified":"2012-07-02T09:14:58","modified_gmt":"2012-07-02T08:14:58","slug":"cooking-on-the-internets-a-brief-history-of-homebrew-cookery-shows","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/badreputation.org.uk\/2012\/07\/02\/cooking-on-the-internets-a-brief-history-of-homebrew-cookery-shows\/","title":{"rendered":"Cooking On The Internets: A brief history of homebrew cookery shows"},"content":{"rendered":"
Cookery was never my fort\u00e9.<\/p>\n
Don’t get me wrong, I have a history with kitchen equipment – it’s a sad, sad story involving a large quantity of Red Bull, an all-nighter at University, an offer of 50p, a camera, a toaster, and my genitals. The problem is that the output of my culinary bodgejobs tend to be either inedible, burned, or contain more cheese than the average human is capable of dealing with.<\/p>\n
It’s hard to deny that cookery is fun, though. Get in a kitchen, crack out all kinds of implausibly-shaped apparatus, put squishy and goopy and chewy things together, bung it in the oven, hope for the best. It’s like science, but with an end product that will either serve as your dinner or a cheaper alternative to Polyfilla.<\/p>\n
So, if you’re like me and you feel that, for the sake of all involved, cookery is best done vicariously – it saves on cleanup, anyway – fear not, because the Internet is here to help.<\/p>\n
Epic Meal Time<\/em> is where it all started. A bunch of guys got
together with a camera and made some brilliant, stupid food. The preview
frame for each video contains a picture of the eldritch horror that is
produced, along with its calorie count.<\/p>\n
Previous creations include their riff on the turducken – the TurBacon
Epic<\/a> (79,046 calories, pictured above, and described as ‘a
bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a pig’), Fast Food
Sushi<\/a> (11,816 calories of I assure you that you really don’t
want to know), and the Valentine’s Day special – 190,400
calories of ‘Super Sloppy
Sundae<\/a>‘.<\/p>\n
I think we can rest assured that this is the kind of cookery that would
give Jamie Oliver an aneurysm, and the rest of us a nasty case of
angina. And why the hell not? It’s your body, and you should
choose exactly what you want to put into it. If you can have a good time
with your friends in the process, so much the better.<\/p>\n
Epic Meal Time<\/em> was brilliant, witty, and otherwise furiously
entertaining for a long time. It got the idea that cooking could be a
gentlemanly pursuit out there to a lot of eyeballs, and that has
value. What ruined it though was, like so many things, its own
success. Suddenly, the self-parodying bravado of this group of friends
became actual bravado. A sponsorship deal and continuous references to
‘Internet Money’ took the metaphorical axe to the
humour.<\/p>\n Behold: Epic Meal Time’s personal
twist on gender balancing.<\/p><\/div>\n
It wasn’t just that, though. You can be damn certain that if
I’m getting the arse on at something on BadRep, there’s
a gender angle too, and sure enough, there is. When the bravado
became too genuine, the continuous (and already tenuous) references
to ‘bitches’ went from problematic to outright
misogynist. Attractive women started to feature in the videos
– but only eating the food, never participating in its
creation as part of the group. I can’t even remember a single
video in which you hear a female voice.<\/p>\n
Once it stopped being self-parodying and just became
self-aggrandising, the
shark had been jumped<\/a>.<\/p>\n
A Swedish gentleman with the kind of facial hair not seen since the heady days of
Technoviking<\/a> decided that Sweden could do better without
making any special effort.<\/p>\n With the ancient Swedish tradition of
bacon tug-of-war, everyone’s a winner.<\/p><\/div>\n
Our host regaled us with fairly uninspiring, everyday meals,
prepared in a wonderfully over-the-top manner. Mayonnaise was
eaten straight from the jar (“PRE DINNER SNACK. IT’S
GOOD FOR YOU”). Butter was smeared by punching it. Cardboard
packaging was opened with teeth. Water for boiling pasta was
collected in the form of snow.<\/p>\n
There’s undeniable machismo, but since this show is meant as
a parody of
Epic Meal Time<\/em>, I think there’s a reasonable
argument to be made for it being exaggeration for the sake of
comedy. It doesn’t grate in the same way that
Epic Meal Time<\/em> started to.<\/p>\n
Cooking is a better experience when combined with facial
hair and shouting.\u00a0Fetch yourself a horn of mead and
check it out.<\/p>\n
Black metal conjures up imagery of teenagers in too much
makeup running through the woods, filming themselves on
their Dad’s camcorder, while they scream about the
Grim Frostbitten North and wield ludicrous knives that
they bought on eBay.<\/p>\n
What it doesn’t conjure up, however, is vegan
cuisine.<\/p>\n
This is exactly the reason that
Vegan Black Metal Chef<\/em> is amazing.<\/p>\n The Dark Lords of the Deep are
well-known for their vegan tastes.<\/p><\/div>\n
The effort that goes into the
Vegan Black Metal Chef<\/em> kitchen is pretty
mindblowing. The whole place is outfitted with
studded black leather, occult symbols, skulls, you
name it. The food isn’t particularly
inspiring, but that might just be how I see vegan
food. Fortunately, the food is far from the
point.<\/p>\n
Black metal is another field of intense bravado.
Though I don’t want to paint an entire
subculture by the failings of its extremes,
it’s hard to avoid the fact that black metal
fandom is a subculture full of homophobia and
transphobia, and is often popularly associated
with Nazi music. It’s wonderful, then, that
Vegan Black Metal Chef<\/em> is so inherently
subversive. It’s self-deprecating mockery
in which you’re invited to laugh with
someone at the sillier bits of their own
subculture, and that makes it a pleasure to
watch.<\/p>\n
The extensive make-up is a \u00a0wonderful
parallel here with more
‘traditional’ female-led cookery
shows, particularly Nigella Lawson’s
sexualised content where her appearance is
pushed to the audience just as much, if not
more, than the actual food.
Vegan Black Metal Chef<\/em>, it could be
argued, takes host-over-food cookery content
to the next level.<\/p>\n
In any case, do you want to see a man in
corpsepaint invoke
Lovecraftian horrors over a bowl of Pad
Thai<\/a>? Of course you do.
Vegan Black Metal Chef<\/em> is for
you.<\/p>\n
As far as I’m concerned,
My Drunk Kitchen<\/em> is the
best cooking show on the Internet
right now. Hosted by Hannah
Hart<\/a>, it’s a very
simple premise – drink booze
and cook some stuff.<\/p>\n Shortly
after this frame, the self-heating
bag begins to billow smoke. If
that isn’t selling you on My
Drunk Kitchen, I don’t know
what will.<\/p><\/div>\n
It’s the first of the
shows that I’ve covered
here to feature a female host,
and what I find particularly
important is that it
doesn’t fucking matter.
There’s the occasional
line that bugs me, but by and
large the humour is genderless,
and there’s no (or very
little) cutesy
look-at-me-I’m-a-girl-on-the-Internet-teehee.
Hannah Hart is Hannah Hart, and
she’s drinking beer and
belching and overdoing it with
the cheese and burning herself
on the oven because fuck you,
that’s why.<\/p>\n
Far and away my favourite
episode is the one where the
good Ms. Hart tackles military
Meals Ready to Eat – known
as MREs – outdoors and
clad in a bodgejobbed
Braveheart-esque shawl.<\/p>\n
It’s not going to teach
you to cook. It’s going to
make you grin repeatedly. Watch
it.<\/a><\/p>\n
I’m absolutely certain
that I’ve missed some
gems. Have I neglected to
mention your favourite
homebrew cookery show? Let me
know about it in the comments.
If there are enough, and
BadRep haven’t fired me
for overuse of the term
‘bodgejob’,
I’d love to write a
followup with the fan
favourites that I’m
currently unfamiliar
with.<\/p>\n<\/a>
Scandinavia Steps In: Regular Ordinary Swedish Meal Time<\/h2>\n
<\/a>
The obligatory, if unorthodox, musical: Vegan Black Metal
Chef<\/h2>\n
<\/a>
Booze and brilliance: My Drunk
Kitchen<\/h2>\n
<\/a>
And the rest<\/h2>\n