{"id":10985,"date":"2012-05-21T08:45:10","date_gmt":"2012-05-21T07:45:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.badreputation.org.uk\/?p=10985"},"modified":"2013-09-10T13:50:59","modified_gmt":"2013-09-10T12:50:59","slug":"twitbomb-what-a-woman-needs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/badreputation.org.uk\/2012\/05\/21\/twitbomb-what-a-woman-needs\/","title":{"rendered":"TwitBomb: What A Woman Needs"},"content":{"rendered":"
BUT WHAT DO WOMEN
REALLY<\/em> NEED?<\/p>\n
Age old question, really, this one, and one where “want” and
“need” are often made unhelpfully interchangable, just to make
it EVEN SIMPLER.<\/p>\n
Welcome back to Feminist TwitBomb, Deluxe Edition, in which we take a
sexist Twitter<\/a>
hashtag<\/a>
and try and make it slightly less soul-harrowingly bleak by exploring its
inherent absurdity, usually with caps lock, bad puns, and the sudden
appearance of wildlife. Previously on this channel: how #TipsForLadies<\/strong> was skewered<\/a>.<\/p>\n
PROBLEMATIC, as Tumblr<\/a>
might say.<\/p>\n
It’s all fine, though, guys, because
TWITTER TO THE RESCUE. Eat your heart out,
Sigmund, Xtina and Geoff, for the question
will now be answered.<\/p>\n
An initial peek at the feed for this
trending topic was a
little<\/em> bit unedifying.
I’ve anonymised the authors
because they’re really only
being quoted for background. The fun
comes later when you lot get
involved.<\/p>\n
“Curves and long
hair”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Does it matter where the hair is?
Can it be in my nostrils?<\/p>\n
“Endless closet
space”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
FOR THE SKULLS OF THE
FALLEN.<\/p>\n
“a guy who will protect
her like she’s his
daughter, love her like
she’s his wife, and
respect her like she’s
his
mother.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Apart from the fact that many
of us do not fancy these
things at all (or men), this
is a worryingly ambitious
MAIDEN-MOTHER-CRONE
SUPERCONFLATION, and I am
not<\/em> paying his
therapy bill when shit gets
too confusing.<\/p>\n
“oven
mittens”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
… hoo, boy, watch
out, sisterhood. This
dude’s a
serious<\/em>
wordsmith.<\/p>\n
“to meet One
Direction”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Ah, shit. *throws
up hands*
Busted.
<\/em><\/p>\n
You get the
picture there,
anyway: high
time, we
decided, for a
cheering
TwitBomb
session.<\/p>\n What
the hell is
this world
where neither
the pay gap
nor Kool and
the Gang are
given true
credence.<\/p><\/div>\n
Amazingly, all
these things
can benefit
blokes,
too.<\/p>\n
From a
friend on
a locked
account:<\/p>\n
(In a
strictly
non-imperialist
way, mind:
no
colonial
elephant-hunting
or dodgy
empiring
here. The
helmet
will be
ethically
sourced in
a fetching
shade of
electric
blue
fairtrade
material
and will
mainly be
worn by
the
aforementioned
wisecracking
mandrill.
Whom I
have named
Artemisia<\/em>.)<\/p>\n "Fuck
Jimmy
Choo."<\/p><\/div>\n
I got
pretty
wrapped
up in
this
whole
sweetly
awesome
world
we
were
creating,
actually.<\/p>\n
It
just
fucks
with
my
chi,
that
whole
business,
okay?<\/p>\n
OK, I
feel
better
now
:).<\/p>\n
Stellar
advice
from
one of
the
brilliant
Better
Strangers
Opera<\/a>
collective
there.
(The
Apocalypse
Girls<\/a>
would
be
proud.)<\/p>\n
This
next
one
actually
broke
into
the
Top
Entries
for
this
hashtag,
which
I
frankly
regard
as one
of my
life’s
crowning
achievements
so
far.
It’s
sitting
there,
nestled
loudly
between
Smug
“Oven
Mitts”
Guy
and
Creepy
Oedipal
Posturings.
It’s
ruining
the
vibe
of
patronage-and-patronising
quite
nicely.
Proud
moment.<\/p>\n
(I
feel
like a
load
of
Level
50
Gyrados
waving
DEFEND
THE
NHS
placards
would
only
be a
good
thing,
really.)<\/p>\n
"hey
girl"<\/p><\/div>\n
…you’d
be
hard
pressed
to
argue
with
this
one,
whoever
you
are.<\/p>\n
I’m
glad
we
had
this
talk,
Twitter.
Now
this
pressing
question’s
been
answered,
we
can
all
get
back
to
the
revolution.<\/p>\n
Hoverboards,
DEPLOY.<\/p>\n
Abridged (But Still Frustrating) History Of The #WhatAWomanNeeds
Question<\/h3>\n
\n
\n
#WhatAWomanNeeds<\/h2>\n
<\/a>
<\/a>
\nNow
we’re
talking,
ladies.
Now<\/em>
we’re
talking.<\/p>\n
<\/a>
<\/a>
\nSeriously.
I
cannot
believe
LEGO
are
still
spraying
all
their
“girl
budget”
on pastel
shades<\/a>
whilst
failing
entirely
to
address
the
lack
of
ladypirates
in this
product’s<\/a>
long
and
otherwise
noble
lineage.
Yes, I
know
there
was
one or
two.
One or
two is
NOT
ENOUGH.<\/p>\n
<\/a>
\nA
hat
trick
of
pragmatism
for us
all
from
our
own
Markgraf.
By the
way,
this
team
is
never
going
to
conduct
a
TwitBomb
without
reference
to the
noble
pheasant
at
some
point.
No
reason.
It’s
just
better
than
ovens,
chivalry
and
sleaze.
And
when
these
sorts
of
ridiculous
generalisations
continue
to be
hashtagged,
surely
anything
goes.<\/p>\n<\/a>
Other
Vital
LadyNeeds(TM)<\/h3>\n
\n
\n
And
More
Seriously<\/h3>\n