Repeat readers of my contributions will know that when we’re dealing with things that could potentially be spoilered, I tend to engage vagaries and nonspecifics to try and save people the pain.  This won’t be any different, but just in case, here it is:

THE SPOILER WARNING.

There.

Boobs

Overall, Nolan hasn’t done too badly.  Anne Hathaway seems a good choice, and there isn’t any in-yer-face cleavage or suspicious anti-gravity trickery.

Unlike in Arkham City.

+1 to Dark Knight Rises

Though she did have some cool moves, those boobs never seemed affected by the basic laws of physics.

Bums

Catwoman does have a black, skintight suit, but so does Batman – some compensation, I guess? – and there are only a couple of unfortunate shots of her bum as she rides the bat-bike.  This is however; a) a big improvement on Arkham City‘s near constant sexy-butt-wiggling right in centre-camera, and b) offset by her being awesome on that bike.

+0.5 to Dark Knight Rises

Backstory

It’s important to remember that the game and the film encounter Selina/Catwoman at different points in her story and her relationship with Bruce/the Bat.  Despite this, both mediums do quite well in demonstrating her motivations and character.  The film, however, does marginally better as it manages to do this while advancing, generally, a bit more respectful portrayal of her as a woman.

+0.5 to Dark Knight Rises

Bitch

The most disappointing Catwoman scene of the whole thing. “You dumb bitch!” snarls the guy she’s fighting.“No-one’s ever accused me of being dumb before,” says she. Now, Selina ignoring the b-word could either be a) because she’s showing that its intended purpose (as an insult) doesn’t affect her, therefore suck it, or b) it’s such a commonplace piece of vocabulary she doesn’t see why it’s so excruciatingly wrong. I hope, and like to believe (based on Hathaway’s facial expression on-screen), that it’s the former.  I was midway through writing this at the time, so I’m extremely disappointed it was there at all.  Seeing as we’re comparing the movie to the game, however, having one instance of “bitch” in the whole film is 1000x better than hearing it every other second, like you do in Arkham City.

+0.5 to Dark Knight Rises

Boots

YES THEY’RE TOTALLY PRACTICAL.

Also in that “bitch” scene is the sudden appearance of Selina’s massive metal stilettos. Why?! No one can be that gymnastic in 5″ fucking heels. As you may note, this hacked me off considerably. The film tries to justify these ridiculous boots by having the inside of the heel sharpened like a serrated blade (check out the poster image, right) – but that seems to me like a poor token to try and throw off the fact they’re pure decoration and only there for prettifying Catwoman. She doesn’t need them! They aren’t practical, even if there’s a Swiss Army Knife in those heels, it’s just… no.

The second attempt to validate them comes as a baddie asks her if they hurt (implied: to walk in) to which she responds, “I don’t know, do they?” and kicks him with one. Fun retort, maybe, but they’re still unnecessary, and all the credibility the film gained by not focussing on her boobs is lost as they just use those heels to return her to unrealistic pin-up status. Game-Catwoman has similarly stupid shoes so there’s no betterment to be found here.

+0 to Dark Knight Rises

To sum up…

Nolan & Hathaway’s Catwoman does better than Arkham City‘s, but there remains a lot of space to improve.  The age-old issue of practical footwear is the big one for me –  after making such an effort to cover up cleavage, making the top half of her outfit much more practical, what exactly was the point in contradicting that by forcing her to don stilettos?

The ‘bitch’ thing also irked me quite a lot, but it was much better than in Arkham City, which was almost unplayable in places for the amount of churning rage brought about by being called a Catbitch so often (I mean, aside from the fact a female cat can be called a ‘molly’, ‘queen’ or ‘dam’ where a bitch is a female canine, of course).

Film Catwoman has the common sense to tuck the boobs away so they don’t lollop around as she beats up baddies

As I said, film-Catwoman’s body isn’t made nearly as much of a focal point as it is in the game.  There’s no cleavage to ogle, lots of close-ups on her face, and when her body is in view, it’s often as hidden as Batman’s is by varying descriptions of black attire.  Downfall is a bit a of bum-shot while she’s on the batbike, but this is nowhere near as big a negative point as Catwoman’s near-constant sexy wiggling in Arkham City.¹

On the whole, film-Catwoman does much better than game-Catwoman for all the above reasons and many more I daren’t go into here for fear of lolspoilers.  The film on the whole is pretty awesome, and the female characters are integral to the story: despite what the trailers may suggest, it is not simply Bat vs. Bane with a bit of eye candy on the side.  I won’t say more because that’ll give too much away, but go see it and decide for yourselves.  I enjoyed it immensely and will probably be seeing it again in the not-too-distant future.

1. NB: Yes, I know about the portrayal of Catwoman in many of the comics and blah blah fidelity, but this is the 21st century, not 1940… so, surely, we can update her just a little to move with the times after 70+ years?  And I don’t mean revealing more skin.

Batman: Arkham City

There were ‘issues’ with Arkham City (as you can read in my previous article), but there were still some good things to say as well.  The styling and the graphics were great (as they were in Asylum), and I enjoyed the noir feel that they went for, although it didn’t feel as gritty as the first game.  I suspect that may be because once you’ve seen something for the first time it loses its special impact.

City felt a bit too big coming after Asylum without the storyline longevity to really back it up.  There’re a lot of side quests and other bits to do and investigate, so the game has expanded in width as opposed to length.  Personally, I tend to let the side quests fall by the wayside as I power through the story.  It was a fairly competent and engaging(ish) story until the ending (I won’t spoiler but it sucked) despite the near ‘deus ex machina’ way in which they ended the stories of four key characters.

Playing as Catwoman was novel to begin with, but in the end wasn’t a big enough plus as one might have hoped.  Adding to the boiling pot were even more gadgets and even more complicated combat moves that you had to remember in order to beat certain baddies.  Overall, I think they over-complicated a sound concept that could’ve done a lot better.  If you played the first game and are thinking about getting City, wait until it comes down in price first or until they release a copy with the DLCs included.

Assassin’s Creed II

This may seem an odd choice considering Revelations came out at the end of last year, but I played Brotherhood before AC2 so I had a whole 22 years of story to catch up on before I went on to the newest instalment.  This is another game series I was late getting into, as evidenced by me still not having completed the first game(s), but I enjoy it nonetheless.

The graphics and world design are always fantastic with these games; they build entire cities before your eyes.  The characters are ones that you can invest in; ‘sandboxing’ can be just as fun as the main story; the controls aren’t always the easiest (on PC) but you can get there in the end.  This game is super fun, and now I’m clued in on Ezio’s pre-Brotherhood story I can look forward to Revelations.  My only quibble is that there are only so many times I can listen to passers-by shouting “He’ll break something, the idiot!” (or any of their repetitive comments) before I’ll consider risking desynchronisation just to kill a few civvies.

Machinarium

A cute little indie puzzle game, Machinarium was a little bit of a distraction in between Arkham and AC2 to cleanse the palette of my brain, as it were.  It’s a clever little offering set in a robot city, in which you have to stop some bad robots from killing the King robot and free your girlfriend from the evilbots’ grasps.  Various puzzles and stages lead you all over the city until you finally save the day.  Artistically it’s simple but charming and my only issue was the overused-in-indie trope of saving a damsel in distress.

Other gaming from January 2012

Those three are, admittedly, the only three games I have completed, but I’ve been dipping in and out of others too! Serious Sam 3: Before First Encounter has so far been good nostalgia-laden fun, but my brain really has been in Open World mode recently and my FPS-ing has suffered as a result.  Sonic Generations on PC has also been providing me with some chilled gaming – apart from when I get stuck – as it is bright, colourful and cheery, even in the face of a big baddie who is destroying time.  Finally, not one I have been playing, but Skate on Xbox 360 has been my favourite Let’s-Watch-Someone-Else game as I curl up on the sofa and watch my partner switch nollie heel something-or-other around San Vanelona – it is a good game, but the controls can be a bit pesky for a PC purist, and the complete and total absence of any female boarders is a bit dull.

Plans for February

So far, I don’t have any hard-and-fast plans on games; I might revisit Brotherhood as I enjoyed AC2 so much (and I lost my Broho save game).  I may also stretch to buying Revelations as I would like to make sure March is clear for Mass Effect 3.

What has everyone else been playing so far in 2012?

Mostly.

Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy were the issues.  I don’t want to sound like a broken record but boobs on display in a high risk profession such as being a Gotham City criminal is not exactly clever – is it?  Harley was very nice to see as a significant part of the story that is out to scupper your plans, but her being called some less-than-charming things by the Joker’s own thugs was tedious to say the least, and when you actually fight Harley herself she is defeated ridiculously easily – in a cutscene no less.  Disappointing.

“Please don’t punch me in the chest, Batman. It’d be terribly inconvenient and I might have to reconsider my outfit!”

Ivy, when you first meet her, is lounging about in her cell – apparently the only female inmate – not wearing prison issues but her own clothes displaying her sizeable bust.  Later, in her boss fight, for some reason she decides to float about attacking you in what – as our ed described to me in an email – “appears to be a giant laughing vulva-plant which flaps open periodically to reveal she still isn’t wearing a great deal…”.  Super.

I’m pretty sure she gets referred to as some less-than-charming things too by henchmen.

Fast forward to Arkham City, which I got in another sale (but it still cost me £20), and now you can play as Catwoman too!  However, she appears to have fallen foul of Rule 1 of Sensible Female Armour: her suit is only ever zipped up to just below her breasts, allowing for ample cleavage.  When you fight thugs as Catwoman, you get called a ‘bitch’ but for some reason, if you’re Batman, you don’t get called a prick, a wanker, a bastard or even a knobend.  Really, people?

The assassins of Rā’s al Ghūl’s order are all for some reason scantily clad sex icons – as is his daughter – and the concept art is mainly essentially the sort of softcore you might find in lads’ mags.  In fact the vast majority of the concept art involving any female character is pretty oversexualised and repugnant.  We get to meet Ivy again, too, but it seems she still hasn’t bothered to find any clothes since the laughing vulva-plant incident.  And Harley is wearing even more revealing kit than last time.

Great graphics, but do we really need to see that much breast?

Now, even if we leave aside all of this sexist nonsense, Arkham City is somewhat disappointing anyway.  I finished the storyline in less than a day; the ending snuck up on me and was rubbish.  I won’t say what happens, but… just… what?!  That’s even before I get to the complaint I have with the huge continuity hole left at the end.  I was so disheartened by it that I did a Ragequit of Disappoints and haven’t gone back on it since.  Even though I still have lots of side quests and puzzles to solve, I just haven’t found the heart to go back to it.

Arkham Asylum was worth the £5 but City was definitely not worth the £20 – let alone the standard retail price in the range of up to £39.99!  The first game offered something new and interesting with a gorgeous noir feel much akin to Nolan’s reimagining of Gotham on film, if not grittier.  The second game whizzed past all too quickly, with no real indication that one should slow down, do side quests, do the puzzles and so on, lest you face the atrocious storyline ending.

Benefits of the second game, however, do exist; the world is larger, you get more gadgets and there are no area transitions between outdoor locations.  Plus you do get to play as Catwoman, even if she is just eye candy to be abused by burly henchmen. (Are there really no female crims in Gotham?)

Both games do fall down woefully at the Treating Female Characters with Respect hurdle.  Would it truly be so hard to think logically about the design of these people?  Does Batman walk around without his Kevlar body armour, flexing his pectorals, with a big “SHOOT HERE” target on his chest?  No.  No, he does not.  So why should Catwoman, or Ivy, or Harley?  Basic boob-sense would say maybe a comfy sports bra would be better than leather basques and flimsy shirts with only one button done up.  At least then the breast tissue wouldn’t detach during all this acrobatic criminality.

Also, Catwoman has anti-gravity boobs.