Comments on: [Guest Post] Gender Divide: His and Hers Wedding Parties

By: Rowan

Rowan — Fri, 11 May 2012 00:18:43 +0000

Hey, as someone who’s non-binary gendered I was actually somewhat upset by this post. For two parties segregating people by binary gender to be held may be what you want for your wedding but I don’t think it should be described as “non gender biassed” because it excludes the possibility of a non binary gendered person in attendance (and you may well not know if a friend identifies as non binary) and in fact fails to even acknowledge our existence. I was particularly upset to find this at Bad Reputation given how generally awesome posts are at this sort of thing. I live my life bring excluded constantly from things because of my gender, it hurts when someone holds up an example of this exclusion and calls it inclusive.

By: Michael

Michael — Thu, 10 May 2012 02:35:54 +0000

I have to admit that this post has really blown my mind. Well done to you and your partner for breaking gender conventions with the wedding ritual. I am curious about one thing: how has the Future Husband’s decision about choosing his sister to be Best Man fared, compared to say, your decision to have a male Bridesman?

Looking at the comments of some of the other people. I’m pleasantly surprised that this is a not-so-uncommon occurence to mix up the gendersexes in pre-marital parties such as these. I’m from an exceptionally religiously conservative background so this is completely new to me.

As someone going to a Stag Party later on this month, I am kind of dreading the overly male energy about it. I’m not looking forward to being referred to as a ‘wing man’ or ‘going on the pull’ that they are pressuring me into. I happen to be the only unattached person there and it’s hard to say you aren’t currently looking for anything relationship or sexual wise to this particular bunch of men without them doing some peer pressure diatribe about them not taking me seriously about that. If only mixed gender company were an option next week to dilute all of that macho bullhickey, and not in the way they are envisaging…

If I get married, or (more likely) plan a stag party, I think I’d seriously consider mixed gender parties. I love the whole transgressive idea of it (from my conservative background), I know a few girls who like doing the ‘macho’ activities that my friends like (particularly Airsofting), plus there’d be less awkwardness and cringey talk that polarises genders in a simplistic way. That can only be a good thing as far as I see it. You’ve just given me a great idea.

Best Wishes on your upcoming parties!

By: Bacon

Bacon — Wed, 09 May 2012 07:40:13 +0000

My chief bridesmaid was a bloke, and I had another male friend to be a regular bridesmaid as well. It can’t be that irregular, because nobody batted an eyelid when we rented their suits from the shop. They just wrote ‘bridesmaids’ down in their book above the names of those two chaps in order to indicate that their waistcoats, cravats and handkerchiefs would be in the bridesmaid’s colour and not the groomsmen’s.
Strangely, this put my family’s minds at rest, as they reasoned that if enough weddings were doing it that the shop had a standard practice for it, it was unlikely to scandalise the grandmothers. In fact the grandmothers thought they looked very dapper, and were much too happy to be scandalised.

By: Michelle Taylor

Michelle Taylor — Tue, 01 May 2012 08:54:10 +0000

I find the controversy around the ‘Bridesman’ odd (especially the suggestion he should join the other party even though he is primarily your friend!) because the wedding traditions I know have always had the concept of Page Boys, who are like Bridesmaids but male; although I guess they are generally the place for the young boys of the family (who also want to dress up and follow the bride and carry flowers and stuff), rather than the adult male friends of the bride, who show up as Ushers…

By: wererogue

wererogue — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 18:23:06 +0000

My wedding parties were similar – my Bride had her male best friend in hers, and I had my sister and my female best friend in mine (plus homogendered members to make it up to 3 each).

We didn’t do extra parties – we just had one party each – one with my friends and one with my Bride’s. There wasn’t much overlap since I had mine in Wales and she had hers in New Brunswick.

By: Kay&theMerry

Kay&theMerry — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 14:38:54 +0000

I like your guest posts. :) Personally, I’ve been claimed as both the Maid of Honour by my best friend, and as the Bestman of her future groom-to-be. That’ll turn out complicated for sure. I wonder, what was the function of Stag Nights and Hen Nights back when none of us had friends of the opposite sex and/or did not know a thing about sex?