Comments on: The Spinster Book

By: H. Bates

H. Bates — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 00:09:45 +0000

There is still a significant stigma attached to spinsterhood. Although I am a successful professional woman living in a major, highly sophisticated city, other people still define me by the fact that I have reached my late 40s and am still unmarried. I have a large circle of friends consisting solely of other single women and gay men, because those are the people who will deign to socialize with me; I am otherwise relegated to the fringes of social life.

By: Johan™ Strandberg

Johan™ Strandberg — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 22:01:43 +0000

When she writes “…he has the power to make her miserable…”, I get a feeling there is a story behind that. Too bad her marriage didn’t prove her wrong.

I put a recommendation on Google+ here http://goo.gl/owXUl

By: Barbara Kyle

Barbara Kyle — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 17:56:48 +0000

Utterly fascinating! Funny and sad. I found I wanted to more about the witty, complex, suicidal Myrtle. Thanks for a terrific post.

By: Suzi Love

Suzi Love — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 08:18:12 +0000

What a strange and sad tale.
Sad looking back at the lives many women lived and knowing we pity them. Though any sort of marriage was perceived as better than being a Spinster.
Thanks goodness most women have more options these days.
Suzi Love

By: Mary Tod

Mary Tod — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 13:28:20 +0000

Fascinating. Sad. A window into history which you have dealt with sympathetically and insightful. Well done.

By: Hannah Chutzpah

Hannah Chutzpah — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 15:20:15 +0000

In reply to Shev. Ooh.... wish I had a Kindle now.

By: Hannah Chutzpah

Hannah Chutzpah — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 12:47:46 +0000

In reply to Ludi.

Oh, wow. Yeah, I guess it is negging. To be fair it suggests the woman plays aloof enough to hurt the man’s feelings too – but I’d prefer not to treat people I like like crap, whatever their gender.

Tell me what you make of the Game. I read it years ago and actually quite enjoyed it, but I did read the second half on a very long, very stoned coach journey and I don’t think all my critical faculties were working.

I think you’re right about feminist thought being a kind of privilege in itself. Definitely. It teaches women to value themselves and that being treated badly isn’t something you should put up with. Not everyone even in the same time and place as me has this.

I also have a ‘pinball theory of dating’ – where each relationship, though often bouncing a bit from side to side – is actually getting ever closer to finding what works best for me. The idea that 111 years ago I’d’ve been married at 22 means… I’d be forever tied to my earlier mistakes. I broke up with the person I was seeing when I was 22 because the not-quite-right relationship was making me depressed. The thought of being stuck with it… so lucky now. So SO SO lucky to be alive now.

By: Ludi

Ludi — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 12:11:26 +0000

Oh, wow – poor Reed, and massively good point about 21stC. privilege. I wonder if there’s also a whole lot of educated middle-class access-to-feminist-though-and-feminist-people privilege that gives us the luxury to call out the Mars/Venus myth, to laugh at bad dating advice and to not settle for a partner who is anything less than awesome? I guess maybe it would (like most privilege dynamics) depend on the amount of social as well as personal reward for being feminist vs. not being feminist? And that would change based on one’s social circles? Hmm…

I’m reading The Game at the moment (ohgod) and “appeal to her sympathy – and then wound her. She is never wholly his until she realises that he has the power to make her miserable as well as to make her happy” – that’s what pick up artists do, that’s negging! That’s that whole manipulative and abusive dynamic right there.

Augh, humanity.

By: Shev

Shev — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 11:02:56 +0000

Holy crap, I found this in the ‘free’ section on Amazon for Kindle – have been reading it avidly, but you beat me to a review :D That’s ok, this review was much more nuanced and interesting that the general ‘LOL’ I was thinking.

Good point about the 21st century privilege – it hadn’t occurred to me in those terms before..

By: Sophie

Sophie — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 10:44:14 +0000

Thanks for such an interesting post. Much was improving for women by 1901, compared with the situation 50 years previously – but advice literature like this is a definite reality check. Since I’m in the middle of a chapter on marital rape, this was very timely!