Alpha Malaise

I keep hearing the word “alpha” and it keeps making me retch, so I’ve decided to crack my knuckles and take a punch. I am fed up of the way it is applied to humans. Specifically men. Specifically as a “good thing” for men to be and for straight women (more on a queer point of view later) to want to have in their partners.

Underlying it all is the idea that being an alpha male is a good idea (for men) and that having alpha males is a good idea for society.  I disagree.

So let’s look at some definitions to get the balls rolling. I’m using wiki and an A level in Biology here, so Actual Scientists please have your white lab coats and clipboards at the ready to score me on this one. The David Attenborough lexicon would have “alpha male” as a perfectly acceptable term for the dominant male in a group of pack animals (note that not all alphas found in nature are de facto male, and often you will find an “alpha pair” as the sole breeders in a group). This usually resembles a social set of multiple females and their young, sometimes including juvenile males. Social dynamics vary from species to species but generally the defining trait of the “alpha male”  is that he is the only sexually active male in the group – all the females mate with him alone and he will chase off or kill other males who approach.

Problem solving - if you are a male red deer

So far, so Darwin. By constantly battling to be top dog, the male maintains his status as physically fit to father offspring and consequently he’s the best genetic offering for the females. Now, let’s step away from the forest and into the urban jungle to look at human animals.

Why do we like to apply this term to men?

Superficially, it’s all very easy, obvious and media-friendly to ascribe animal behaviours and terminology to people for a handy reference point.  The list is vast and serves as shorthand for personalities. “Alpha male” carries with it all those connotations that we like to think of as traditionally masculine – aggression, sexual dominance, high status. However, like all metaphors it can be carried too far to be rendered meaningless, and this is absolutely the case with “alpha males”.

The parallels between humans and animals only go so far. We don’t live in a forest. We don’t hunt our food using our own hands and teeth. We don’t compete for space, food or shelter in the same way that animals do. We don’t live like animals, so why are we aspiring to their structures? Our society is complicated and challenging, and yes, there is competition, but the idea that we are basing all our actions on base instinct inherited from our ancestors, and that this is a good way to live is absurd, and frankly, oversimplistic.

Problem solving if you are a business man

Worse still than caveman antics, the term has become something for men to aspire to without really thinking of the consequences of persuading 50% of the population to butt heads and massacre every other man in sight. There are hundreds of websites dedicated to becoming an alpha male.  Some are quite tame and offer encouragement in leadership and confidence – good things for any person, but some are just plain nasty. Problems abound, including that contention that “feminine” traits are weak – read bad – and “masculine” traits are strong – read good.

Let’s get this straight from the get-go. I hate the use of the word “alpha male”. Whenever I hear it, my brain automatically erases those two words and replaces them with “wanker” or “desperately insecure”. I think it’s a terrible metaphor both for masculinity and for relationships between (straight) men and (straight) women, and the more we can question it the sooner we can throw it into the bin and come up with something a little bit better.  So on to the questioning.

What are the implications of having “alpha males” in our society? First, it creates a hierarchy in which the men who can bag the most women are the best.  Being an alpha is about being the manliest of men, and that means not being “feminine” or “gay” – both are of course bad things to be.

The inclusion of alphas in our society immediately makes it a sexist one – no room for the gay, the bi or the queer. No room for anything other than manly-men and womanly-women. And it places us all in an “us versus them” scenario with prospective partners.

Sexual conquest is all. This sets up a contest for male dominance which requires female (and other male) submission. In order to “win” the female must “lose” – as must the other men trying to get her. Women are a prize or a target. Other men are competition. Hardly the basis for a co-operative or productive society. This kind of scenario is clearly seen in the seduction community / pick up artist style of thinking which aims to reduce a woman’s confidence (often picking targets with low self esteem in the first place).

This is the power of the playschool bully and it’s high time that they grew up.

What we are looking at here is in fact a  zero sum power exchange in which no one wins.  Rather than both parties coming out of it feeling postive or ready to build something for the future, one of them is tricked and the other knows they have played a trick. It might be smug and satisfying to con someone into bed, but I don’t think that kind of underhanded behaviour is a worthwhile measure of a man.

Being an alpha male, or trying to be one, is bad for men. There are a few ways in which this works. The first is the manipulative gameplayer outlined above. That’s a common (and deeply unpleasant) way of living, but if all you want is sex, then it might make someone a terrible person but it might not make them feel bad about themselves. The other ways probably will. For one thing, if masculinity and self worth all about how attractive men are to women, then there’s a problem. This is a game that we women have been playing for a long time (being attractive to men, that is) and it’s not a lot of fun, so I don’t really advise it.

Looking good, feeling yourself? Image from Flickr via dallasmuslworship

Look at the chap here, for example – he’s quite hard not to look at. You want to be an alpha? You want to attract the most ladies? Well, this is what you need to look like then – a torso you could play the xylophone on, and frankly who cares about your personality? Not sure about those pants though, baby. Here, let me help you with those.

A world in which we encourage men to become alphas is one in which we are telling them that their appearance and sexual attractiveness is their only important feature.

The other reality of the alpha male is a lonely and isolated existence, in which other men are to be rejected for fear they take away “your” women, and women themselves are only of use for the notch they can put in your bedpost. The nature of being an alpha is to be uncollaborative and unyielding, thereby contributing towards “strong and silent” archetypes that have coloured our view of maleness for many years, resulting in an idealised brooding male.

Being around an alpha male is also bad for women. It means being one of many “conquests” instead of someone special. It means always worrying about being played or being tricked.

It means that your partner just wants you for sex and possibly just to display their own ability to have sex with you. It means being valued for your ability to make them look good rather than because they enjoy your company or even, heaven forbid, like you. And in order to maintain this status quo they will constantly have to put you down in order to feel big, hard and clever. Ladies – this one is a keeper.

Having alpha males at all is bad for a proper, grown-up society. The alpha male condition reduces the wonderful variety of men in our midst into nothing more than adrenaline pumped, testosterone fuelled, muscle bound animals. Suitable only to fight each other and die for the glory of impregnation. It replaces personality with a set of operational parameters. And frankly, I want better for the men in my life and the men in the world.

And so should you.